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| Ok. Here I am, on a semi-tropical desert island. It's 95 degrees in the heat of the day, 70 at night. I'm working, but you could barely call it that. Beach every weekend, except for this upcoming, because we're going sailing. All on your hard-earned tax payer dollars. Just kidding! How do you confront someone you've hurt so deeply? Do you blurt it all out at once, and then wait for the inevitable punch to the face? Do you drop little hints that you're sorry for a general everything? What about when the one you hurt is the King of Kings? What if it's been a while? What if the sins were so numerous, you can't remember them all? Do you try to name them, knowing you'll fail and miss many of them, or do you just throw out a generic "Hey, I'm sorry! Take me back?" I think I'll start on my knees. | | |
| I awake to the sound of the neighbor's dog barking at people passing on the sidewalk. From some distant corner of my street drifts the faint roar of a lawn mower. I can hear my mother on the phone down in some part of the house. The first thing I see when I wake up is the crib on the other side of my room, and I remember who slept in it for their nap the day before. Out the window, summer is in full swing, with birds chirping, leaves green with life, and kids playing in the yard next door. This is my home. It's been my home for 11 years. Only today, I finally understand what's happening. I'm leaving the nest for keeps. God has been doing so many things in my life. He allowed me to join the Air Force with very little trouble, blessed me with the most amazing girlfriend I could have asked for. He showed me that He would take care of me, and keep me from evil. But the best thing that God ever did for me, aside from saving me, was giving me a family that loves me. Without my family, I'd be nothing. They are a permanent part of my home. They made it real. I hope my next home will be just as real. | | |
| So I have been yelled at. It is my fault I haven't posted in a while. My thoughts have definitely been elsewhere. As most of you know, I am no longer a single man. I think I know why God put Margaret in my life. I was planning on 20 years in the Air Force, retiring on a nice pension and living out the rest of my life in comfort. But now my mind is elsewhere. I see my responsibility and priviledge to raise a family, and to lead them spiritually as a man who fears God. Please pray for me, that I don't get caught up in my own plans, but that I would seek God for His. | | |
| Things seem so much harder when I'm not trusting God. I try so hard to do what I think I should do, and I fail. Or if I succeed, I feel so drained of energy, that the sweet taste of victory is bitter in my mouth. Life seems devoid of itself. Only sleep brings temporary satisfaction, food provides something to do, but after that, it all reverts back to the empty shell of loneliness. That void, that space inside me, can only be filled by God. It cannot be filled with music, or laughter. It cannot be filled with lust, or simple companionship. It cannot be filled with philosophy, or knowledge. Only Abba can take away the gnawing pangs of despair that we feel without Him. My relationship with my Father is, for lack of a better term, necessary. It is like oxygen, or water. It is my source of life. When I and my Father are close, joy abounds. When I stray, falling to my own sinful desires, the void returns, giving only one, very cruel option to end the hurt. "Die," it cries from the depths of my soul. "Put us to rest". But that is not the real answer. That is the coward's way out. The selfish glutton's final ambition. The fool's end to punishment. I know the answer. | | |
| How will you remember me when I'm gone?
Will you remember me as the man who left his home?
Or will you remember me as the one who followed God,
Is my life the kind of life that men and women will applaud? How will you remember me when I leave?
Will you remember me for all that I achieved?
Or will you remember me as a failure to my family,
All because I said to God," Here am I, send me"? I want to leave a legacy
for everyone to see
That I was faithful,
Leave a legacy that shows
That God is strong, and He is able
How will you remember me?
How will my sons remember me?
Will they remember me as the father who left a legacy?
Will they see the way I lived, and want to live the same way,
Or will they choose to go and forget their dad, and go astray? I want to leave a legacy
for everyone to see
That I was faithful,
Leave a legacy that shows
That God is strong, and He is able
How will you remember me? No one will remember this song
But it's not too late, don't be afraid
You can choose your right from wrong
So stop your crying, lift your head
And tell God that you found,
a man whose live is worth imprinting
a love that could surround. You gotta leave a legacy,
for everyone to see
That you were faithful,
Leave a legacy that shows
That God is strong, and He is able
Will they remember you, as they remember me? | | |
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